he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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