i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
