All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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