So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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