I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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