dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
