im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
