He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
