did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
