There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
