i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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