I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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