...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
