If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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