you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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