you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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