Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
