Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Boobs are out for the taking
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
