I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
