Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
