i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
