i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
