I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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