It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
