Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
