if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
