I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
