First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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