We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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