they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
