I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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