Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
