So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
