the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
