You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
