I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
