and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
and you fell through a lawn chair
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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