i will never coherently bang her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
