Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
