Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
