Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your penis caused this!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
