The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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