I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i barfeds in our rink
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
