I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
