well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
