Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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