Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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