and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
