It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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