he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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