By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
