i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
