can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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