so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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