Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So vagazzling was a success
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
