Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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