i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
